The day the dream descended upon me, I was unaware of it. but my heart, my only staunch comrade realized it's presence and confronted the destiny that I was to walk upon....created a image....which will be transformed into reality....one day in the future..
Paulo Coelho's "The Alchemist"....I was reading this book when I finally realizes that I don't have a dream. A dream that I can pursue like the shepherd boy in the book who travels from Spain to Egypt, only to realize that the treasure he was looking for was in the place where he have been sleeping all this time with his sheep, as he traveled around in the outskirts of Spain....Yes, that was the day when I realized I was aimless...
Aimlessness is depressing and disgusting. That's what I concluded when I realized my plight. Without an aim, I was feeling empty. I still feel like an empty shell...Because I have nothing to fight for; absolutely nothing.I HAVE NOTHING TO HOLD ON TO....NO ROPE TO CLIMB, NO BEGINNING TO ADVENT....Seems like even before I began, I died. I died 'cause I have no dreams; no one particular dream to follow and in the end when I achieve it, to live through the joys of success....But I was to be excluded from all these. Because I don't have any aims or any dream to follow. How can I let myself be so insignificant and not utilize the life- as beautiful as the blue ocean that God gave me?????? How could I do this injustice????? No, I would not let that happen??? Never!!! I must have a dream to pursue...I must...!!!!!!!!
I pondered. I wondered alone. I let nights pass. I let mornings come but yet my soul felt devoid and empty. This emptiness was suffocating. It was enclosing me into the hours of frustration; crippling my reasons to live further. It was me inside and out and causing "Hope" to abandon me. Oh yes, there were days when I thought that the light of hope has blown away and only darkness now filled my soul. A human being cannot survive without hope; the darkness, the emptiness-they were all driving me insane. I hated it-this feeling of aimlessness. I tried to runaway; to hide somewhere. I wanted to be emancipated, I don't want to be a slave to this empty-feeling but what could I do?????? No inherent dream descended upon my soul to light up the candle of hope and break up the darkness. Nothing was there and soon a time came, when this emptiness proselytized to a fear-a fear of being a nobody. And this fear was clouding my thoughts....
It was a normal day...A day like any other but it was the day when God finally bestowed his clemency upon me and emancipated me from this feeling. I don't know when it happened or how but something happened, that made me realize my potent, albeit Paulo Coelho would say it was the light that I discovered within me. Whatever they mat say, but at least I have an aim now....Something to look forward to, something for which to give all my heart and soul and my sweat too. Because you have to work hard for turning your dreams into reality...YES! I said to myself.....I have a dream now.....
I remember that old writer in "The Ink-heart" movie telling that li'l girl who wanted to be a writer, that "A writer's life is a lonely life, my child." However, the girl was determined that she wanted to be a writer, because writing was her life....Oh, and wait, what about Josephine March of "Little Women" by Louisa M. Alcott? Writing was her passion too and yes, ultimately she became a writer too. This also reminds me of Amelia Thermopolis from the "Princess Diaries" series by Meg Cabot. Oh, well her dream was to be a writer too but over all I must mention Paulo Coelho, the Brazilian writer who, in his childhood was sent to a mental hospital by his parents because in their days, "writing was thought to be a mental sickness!!!".......Now, that was really heart-rending.... No one would ever want to be considered psychologically disordered because one just had a flow for writing. No one...!!!!
I discovered my hand at writing when I was in Class 7 but it was my hand at writing Poetry. I still couldn't perfect my Essay writing hand but my English teacher in class 10 did it for me....Even before I could grasp what was happening to me, I discovered that I could write well but I still think I have a lot to learn....And learn I will because I have a dream to complete, a novel to finish.....But first I must learn to be patient to play with words in a perfect way or else I can never be able to fight for my dream. Because then, I am armor-less and no, I wouldn't want to join the battlefield without my perfect weapons and my training...
The battle will be long and tough. I might have to die a thousand times and fall on the ground a million times......I might be even on the bring of surrendering but I must stay strong and carry on till the end. I must, I should and I will...I just need the patience, strong will-power and hope to fight till the end. I want to taste the feeling of winning just as the shepherd boy did when he finally found the treasure. And I must learn and accept lessons, the knowledge that life thrusts upon me as I make my dream...and I will.... reach the end...come out as glorious....one day I will.
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